"Getting Go: The Go Doc Project (2013)" (September 24th, 2014)

Alone on a Wednesday evening again, sitting too attentively at my desk in my newly cleaned bedroom in Berlin, I watched a mockumentary about a sexually obsessive internet recluse just shy of graduating with his Bachelor’s in NYC who had a particular affinity (times infinity) for one specific go-go dancer. Hundreds of downloaded pictures of said dancer and clicks on Photoshop later—as well as a few lackluster moments of video chat sex—and we come to the premise of the story: after drinking excessively at his computer one night, the recluse, who is referred to as ‘Doc’, sends a drunk e-mail to the object of his infatuation, to be named ‘Go’, proposing to film a documentary about “go-go life”.

The obsession is not portrayed as palpably as it could have been, but perhaps that is the nature of the beast… Fervent admiration from a virtual distance—by kilobyte or by kilometer—changes at the touch of immediate reality. That is to say that manufactured feelings of obsession cannot exist wholly outside the mind of the manufacturer, which itself maintains and nurtures that obsession. Birthed and released from the womb of imagination, the umbilical cord is cut only to be reconnected to another’s. And thus begins its slow decay beneath the gravity of external experience, steadily devoured by conflicting ideas and opposing emotional forces felt through this new bondage, because eventually, all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade. And it loses its shimmering magnificence just as the original user loses absolute control of its trajectory, losing control of its meaning and its depth to the powers of space, time and emotion, the triumvirate of reality.

A relationship of any kind or degree, from the very first moment of contact, is like trying to ride a bicycle. But you only have control of motor functions in one hand and one leg. And you’re praying to God that the other two limbs already know the pattern, or are quick learners and follow suit, or at least try to cooperate. That they aren’t too rebellious, too exhausted to try, too unwilling to commit to the distance. That they remember how to… perhaps that they can even teach you more efficient ways to pedal, or motivate you to go faster, or show you how to pop a wheelie, or give you the courage you need to say, “Look, Ma! No hands!”

I want to be in a relationship like that.


"There’s no such thing as too much happiness in this world. If you have any left over, give it to the person next to you, because even if they don’t need it, they probably know someone who does."

"Spark" (August 31st, 2014)

Hm… maybe… Nope.
Potential lifetimes pass in seconds.
As if all your layers could be displayed in two dimensions,
Where the arbiter of your future is an opposable touch
… rightswipe
—five hundred characters can somehow adequately describe yours.
This time, you actually can quite put your finger on it.
But your brain can’t know that yet.
Is it basic instinct + fatal attraction, or the other way around?
leftswipeleftswipeleftswipeleftswipeleftswipeleftswipeleftswipeleftswipeleftswipe, etc.

There’s no one new around you.

You Are My Sunshine (September 13th, 2014)

I fell in love with a little piece of Sun some time ago… Incandescent little braveheart separated from its truth, I found her amongst the ruins of a love star-crossed, at the dawn of a new age of growth, in a place overflowing with silent self-destruction. But she was beautifully hopeful—an homage to the purest kind of faith—was all too radiant in her reach towards the skies, inspiring others to join her on her climb, providing protection to those who did not. My little sunflower, trying to live up to her namesake. And she did. She was my sunshine, my only sunshine. She made me happy when skies were gray. But she knew that I loved her, and somehow, in her magnificent growth, she grew to love me, too. And for that, there is no gift that can be given, no words which can be expressed. I can only choose to be by her side on her journey towards home, intertwined as our stems shoot infinitely into the heavens above—towards her Mother, the truest, brightest Sun of all.

You are my sunshine.

"The more you surround yourself with a thing, the more you become it."
"Here’s to making yourself a pair of shoes that no one could ever possibly fill."
"We would be more effective as a whole nation than as a white one."
"Usually those who have the least are the ones who are willing to give the most."

FFX (August 26th, 2014)

Sometimes, dreams feel… better.

… like finding a truth that fits,
that wraps itself around your worries,
and whispers into your sadness…
that tells you what you would tell yourself
if you actually knew what to say.

… or crossing paths on the farthest plane,
body and mind finally connecting
without remembering who you are,
or why you came,
or how to put out a wandering flame.

"Focus on the problem, not the hatred. The hatred will consume you, and then use you for its own reproduction."